I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize