my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
