I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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