new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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