I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
