Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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