forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
