I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
