I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
