i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What a dumb baby whore.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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