She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
