I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
