I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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