It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
