if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
