Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
