I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
