sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
