Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
