im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
