just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
