I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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