Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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