What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize