i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
