theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
