Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
