I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
