What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
