I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
