When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize