he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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