i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
