he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
