just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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