Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I want is dick and wine.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize