He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
two words: eviction party
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So. Much. Porn.
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