I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
