Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Farmville is her only friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
