and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
