I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
