There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
