I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
