her vagine was all disorganized.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize