when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
