my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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