but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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