I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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