My balls are so social today.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
