that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
