there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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