No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
