so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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