so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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