if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
