yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You are the jesus of drinking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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