I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
