I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
