its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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