things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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