Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
