what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
