Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
