time to smoke my breakfast
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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