I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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