I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize