I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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