She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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