He is an equal opportunity slut.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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