i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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