Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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