Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize