I'm going to jail i love you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
