I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
