He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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