i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
