3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize