I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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