No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
