i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
