my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
