Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
