I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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