fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
