The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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