there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
