I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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