I am in a vortex of obligation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
