We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
