i just wanna soil my oats bro
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
