I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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