If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i think i have herpe
just one?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
