I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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