It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
