So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
