she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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