oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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