i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
